Would you like to give each of the treasured relatives and friends you will see over the holidays something more precious than gold? And would it be even better if it cost you absolutely nothing and might be something that loved one would treasure for a lifetime?

According to Jon R. Katzenbach, author of Why Pride Matters More Than Money, many people would prefer to receive a sincere piece of motivational feedback from their manager to extra money in their paycheck. And you can use this same principle to delight your friends and family.

Some Simple Pointers To Giving Motivational Feedback

What is motivational feedback? It is simply noticing what someone does well and mentioning it to them. If you can link it to the impact of what they have done, even better. And, if you can mention a personal characteristic of that person, now that’s a home run!

Here’s an example. “Aunt Bobbie, the meal you served today was wonderful. The turkey was perfect, the pies were delicious and everything arrived on the table at the same time! I know this takes a lot of time and hard work on your part and I can’t tell you how loved and cared for this makes us all feel. Your love for your family really shines through on a day like this.”

Or it can be much simpler. “Mike, I heard you got a great score on you SAT test. Good work!” or “Brenda, congratulations on your new job. I know you worked hard for that promotion and it paid off.” Or “Vernon, the story you told about your dad was so heartwarming. Those old family stories really make a day special.”

Positive, motivational feedback can make a family day more pleasant for everyone. By focusing on the positive behaviors and attributes of family and friends, you can warm their heart and feed their spirit.

A final word of caution. Please resist, with all your might, the urge to link a lovely positive comment to something negative. “We loved the pies BUT the turkey was a little dry.” Everything you say before the BUT will be forgotten and someone will go to bed thinking, “My turkey was a little dry!” Save any suggestions for improvement for a future conversation and make sure everyone goes to bed with a good feeling about the day and about YOU!

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you.

It has been some time since I’ve devoted my attention to our Make Mom Happy by Mail blog and am happy to have a quiet afternoon to bring you up to date.  As many of you know, I’ve been working on a book to share the concept behind Make Mom Happy By Mail with as many people as possible.   That concept is simply to ask your loved one, especially an older relative or friend, “How can I be a better ………(daughter, son, friend,  granddaughter, etc.)

I’m fortunate to be working with a delightful agent who has confidence in the book and has worked for several months to find just the right publishers and to put the proposal into the best possible form.  Along the way, she suggested we change the title from Make Mom Happy By Mail to The One Magic Question.  This made lots of sense to me because it really was the question that started our Make Mom Happy by Mail campaign and resulted in all the great things that followed.  So that’s the new title, The One Magic Question.

And, with that as the title, I’m now starting our 100 People Ask The Magic Question campaign to discover how others would answer the Magic Question,  “How could I be a better…….”   The first few responses were touching. Here’s an example from a young colleague.

“I asked my mother what I could do to be a better daughter.  She said, “You haven’t been in touch much lately.  Call more often so that I know you’re OK and I won’t have to worry as much.”

My colleague went on to write, “I know that in recent months I’ve been so busy with my work life that I’ve been neglecting my personal life, but I thought it was only impacting me.  But through your question, I now realize that it’s been impacting others as well.  Thank you for the eye opener and the first steps to getting back on track”

I loved this response because it reminded me of how very simple most requests are and how easily they can be answered.  It also reminded me that mothers and dads just keep worrying about the wellbeing of their children, whether those children are 6 months, 6 years or many times that old.

I invite  you to participate in our 100 People Ask The Magic Question campaign by asking someone in your life “What can I do to be a better…….” Then, if you are willing, just send me a quick note telling me who you asked and what they said.  I’ll let you know the 10 most often heard responses and more sweet stories in future blogs, as well as in the book.  And I’ll be very grateful.  Oh yes, you might also suggest that they ask someone they love The Magic Question – perhaps you!

Thanks for visiting Make Mom Happy by Mail.  Be well and bring joy to someone you love.

Seniors say dancing is a great source of exercise and fun. They might have learned to dance in high school during the ‘40s or it might have been at a USO during the war. Today many dance at their local Senior Center where an afternoon of ballroom dancing is part of the regular program of activities.

The DJ plays a preset program of fox trots, waltzes, sambas, mambos and cha cha chas. It’s often the same program every week but no one minds. Long-married couples, singles, widows and widowers all seem to have a great time. Younger people are welcome and come when they can sneak an hour off work to practice their dance steps.

I was sorry my mom’s senior center in Arkansas didn’t offer an afternoon of dancing because I think she would have enjoyed it.

If your loved one is healthy and enjoys, or enjoyed, ballroom dancing, please check out your local senior center’s list of activities to see if they offer an afternoon of dancing. If so, offer to go along for a visit to see if it might be an appealing way for him or her to get exercise, have fun and meet new people. I have been amazed at how healthy and happy senior dancers are. And they tell me, it’s the dancing that helps keep them that way!

Final thought: Ask, “Do you like to dance?”

Be Well and Bring Joy

Please share your story with me so I can share it with others.

Trudy Triner

trudytriner@gmail.com

Family reunions are, for many, an untapped reservoir of fun, love, happy memories and great food. My extended family in Arkansas has had a family reunion for the past 25 years, usually the weekend after the 4th of July. This year was no exception, with a sunny day, aunts and uncles who hold the family lore, cousins with new jobs and new babies, and camera’s clicking everywhere.

Aunt Bobbie’s fried chicken and Aunt Shirley’s coconut cake were, as usual, stars of the amazing display of great dishes. A few years ago they made a decision not to cook for the family reunion but to have easy food instead – sandwiches, hot dogs, chips, etc. And, of course, it made sense. With the temperature well over 90 degrees and humidity to match, who wants to stand over a hot skillet of fried chicken? But, thankfully, they gave in to the begging and pleading and whining and I, for one, was overjoyed. I look forward to their good cooking all year because there’s just nothing like it.

A few years ago I tried to replicate Aunt Shirley’s chicken and dumplings because my son loved it so much. “Jack, this is just like Aunt Shirley’s.” I told him proudly. He was about 8 years old and terribly honest.

“Mom, this is nothing like Aunt Shirley’s.” he said truthfully. And he was right. There’s just something about their food that can’t be replicated – at least by me! And eating their good food is one of the highlights of my year.

This year I took the opportunity to video the two of them after the Family Reunion. I hope you enjoy meeting them and hearing what they say their children could do to make them happy.

And I hope you will consider organizing your own family reunion to tap your own reservoir of fun, love, happy memories and great food!

Be well and bring joy!

Dear Readers,
I’m in Arkansas preparing my Mom’s house for sale this week. Even though she’s been gone for a little over two years, the house still has such a strong feeling of her presence and my sister and I alternate between laughing, crying, story telling and hugging. Fortunately, there are so many happy memories which we are finding to be a real comfort. One of the best feelings is to know she was very, very happy in this little house in the country and isn’t that what we all want for our moms and dads – just to be happy.

This experience has also reminded us of what fun it was to be close to our mom. We were her good friends and we all knew so much about each other’s lives. My sister will pick up a dish or vase and tell me when and where they bought it together. I’ll see a picture on the wall and tell my sister where I sent it from. She’ll tell me where they bought the frame to put it in.

Final Thought: Be as close as you can while you can. Happy memories are a wonderful thing.

It’s been almost two months since I last wrote about the Golden Access Passport, one of my all time favorite bargains for senior citizens.  And, since we are in early July, I would imagine that many families will soon be vacationing with a grandmother, grandfather, aunt or uncle and including national parks, national monuments and recreation areas in their vacation plans.

As I have mentioned before, the Golden Access Passport is a wonderful deal for senior citizens because it costs just $10 (yes, just $10) for a lifetime pass to most U.S. National parks, forests, refuges, monuments and recreation areas, from Denali National Park in Alaska to the Florida Everglades.

To learn more, please see the website below or call the number below.

Call 1-888-GO-PARKS for specific information or go to -   http://seniorliving.about.com/od/traveldiscounts/a/golden_age_pass.htm. Senior Pass Eligibility
As part of the American the Beautiful – National Parks and Federal Recreational Lands Pass program, U.S. citizens or permanent residents who are at least 62 years old can purchase a Senior Pass for a one-time processing fee of $10. This Senior Pass to national parks and lands offers benefits to you and your traveling companions.

Final thought:   Special deals for seniors are everywhere these days.  Helping your loved one find and take advantage of these money-saving opportunities can be fun for you and for them.

Be Well and Bring Joy

First, my apologies for the lapse in regular posts for the past few weeks.  I have been moving from one home to another with all the stress, hard work, disorganization and disorientation that brings.  I described it to my friends as being in the moving “bubble of misery” for weeks and weeks.  But, I’m happy to report that the worst is over and life is slowly getting back to normal.  The new apartment has a wonderful view of the skyline of San Francisco and of the cable cars coming and going on California Street.  Perhaps it was worth it after all.

One good thing about moving, I must say, is that I always discover things I thought were lost.  This time, one of those things was a several-month old clipping from an airline Sky Mall magazine.  It’s an ad for a chime that lets you know when your mail has arrived.  How I wish I had found this for my mother.

It’s described like this.

The Mail Chime

When the weather’s poor, making that trek out to the mailbox can be an undesirable chore.  And since delivery schedules can be unpredictable, all too often you may find yourself peeking out the curtains or through that mail slot several times a day.  But with the Mail Chime, you’ll always know instantly when the mail has been delivered.  The Mail Chime will sound a tone and flash a light as soon as the mail arrives, even if your home is 450 feet away from your mailbox!

Mail Chime #74661G $49.99

1-800-759-6255

www.SkyMall.com

I would have ordered this for my mother in a flat minute and she would have loved it.  If any of you order this, I’d love to hear how it works.

Thank you for your patience and for continuing to read this blog.  I hope you are finding the ideas helpful for your senior loved ones and promise to begin regular postings again.

Please send me your stories and ideas so I can share them with others.

Be well and bring joy

This is a simple, practical and surprising gift idea that worked for me. While visiting my mom, I stopped by her local utility company and prepaid her electric bill for the following six months. Even though she was perfectly capable of paying her own bills, she liked the surprise, appreciated the gesture and loved having one less check to write each month!

Final thought: A little creativity can lead to unexpected ways to express your love and caring.

Please send me your stories so I can share them with others.

Be Well and Bring Joy
www.trudytriner.com

Consider hospital cafeterias for quick and inexpensive meals at all times of the day or night. Remember, hospital food served to patients is often chosen as part of their medical treatment. Cafeteria food is different. In the medical facility where I work, the cafeteria food is delicious. I particularly like the oatmeal ($1.65 with raisins, brown sugar and half & half) and often look forward to it while I’m getting dressed in the morning. And Wren, the bright and cheery cashier, helps get the day started with a smile and a personal “Good morning!” every day to every person.

Final thought: While you’re in the hospital, consider checking out the volunteer opportunities. Volunteers from 14-90+ are welcome and often tell me they love this opportunity to help people, make a contribution and meet new people.

Please share your stories with me so I can share them with others

Be Well and Bring Joy

www.trudytriner.com

Thank you for the many lovely responses to the Memorial Day tribute to my father.  Among the messages was one from B.M. in Southern California telling a story, so appropriate for Memorial Day.

In my book, Make Mom Happy By Mail, I tell the story of a 20-year old Jewish American soldier who served in the US Army in the 42nd Rainbow Division during World War II.   The 42nd Rainbow Division was among the liberators of the Dachau concentration camp on April 29, 1945 and this young soldier was one of the first ten troops through the gate. A few years ago, his family did a lovely thing to honor their father, now in his 80’s, at the Jewish War Veterans of the United States Museum, located at 1811 R Street NW, in Washington D.C. and that story, told by his daughter, is in the chapter entitled “It’s not just Mom – It’s not just Mail.” After reading the Memorial Day article, she sent the following message I thought you might enjoy.

Dear Trudy,

I wanted to let you know that my husband and I made a trip to Dachau, Germany earlier this month with my parents!  They were invited to attend the 65th anniversary ceremonies of the liberation of Dachau, since my Dad was one of the first soldiers into the camp (as you may recall). My husband and I were scheduled to go to Kauai the first week of May, but when my parents told us that they wanted to go on this trip, and wanted us to accompany them, it only took a moment for us to decide to change our plans.  It was such an amazing experience being there with hundreds of survivors from Italy, France, Holland, Russia, Poland, Norway, and Israel, and having so many of them hugging my father and thanking him for saving their lives!  We met one couple from Amsterdam who were there in memory of their fathers – both of their fathers were best friends in high school, and were part of the Belgian Resistance.  They were both arrested and taken to Dachau, where they were eventually liberated by the American troops.  This couple thanked my Dad for saving their fathers’ lives, and they are now carrying on their legacy.  I felt so blessed to be able to experience this WITH my father, rather than in his memory!  It truly was a once-in-a lifetime experience that we will cherish forever!

Final thought:  Is there something you would like to experience WITH your mom, dad, aunt, uncle or loved one, rather than in their memory? When my grandmother was on her death bed, she told me, “I always wanted to go to Hawaii!”  If only I had asked her a few years earlier, “Is there anywhere you’d really like to go?”

Please send me your stories so I can share them with others.

Be Well and Bring Joy

www.trudytriner.com