I’ve just been listening to messages from Senator Claire McCaskill (D-MO) and Patrick Donahoe, Postmaster General/CEO talking about the state of the US Postal Service. It’s sad news.

Senator McCaskill said that hearts were breaking in her state as 167 post offices are scheduled to close; most of those post offices in counties of 50,000 or fewer residents. And she recommended a solution.

Patrick Donahoe was explaining to USPS employees that the USPS has lost 26% of its first class mail, their most profitable business, and that this shrinking of the first class mail is the major issue resulting in the post office closures and employee cutbacks.

Last week in a television interview, the Senator asked a question and supplied an answer that caused my e-mail to buzz and shake as friends couldn’t wait to tell me, “She’s talking about just what you’ve been talking about for years! You should contact her right away!”

The Senator said, “I am not sure there has been a marketing campaign about the value of a written letter. I really believe that if someone would begin to market the value of sending a letter to someone you love; you might be surprised on how you could stabilize the first class mail.”

As my dear readers know, Make Mom Happy By Mail, the blog and the book, have been recommending just that for the past five years. From the moment I asked my mom what I could do to be a better daughter and she replied, “Just send me more mail.” I have been extolling the virtues of mail to all who would listen. And I’ve reminded them that many elderly folks don’t have, and don’t want, e-mail. They want something to hold in their hand, something to read again and again, something to brag to a friend about.

For two and a half years following Mom’s simple request for more mail, I sent her something by mail several days each week. Post cards, pictures, magazine articles, candy, books, dog toys, flower petals, and yes, even letters found their way into her big country mailbox out by the gravel road in St. Joe, Arkansas.

We called this our “Make Mom Happy By Mail” campaign. And she told me time and time again that it did just that. It also made me happy to be able to bring interesting things into her life and to discuss them with her. It made our relationship stronger, closer and more fun until the day she died. Happily, it has done the same thing for countless others across the US and from France to Japan, as they heard about our Make Mom Happy By Mail campaign and tried it for themselves.

As Senator McCaskill suggested, “…. if everyone with a living elderly relative or friend would send just one piece of first class mail to them each week, we might be surprised how we could stabilize the first class mail.” This could result in increased revenues, fewer closed post offices and more stable jobs for those not ready to retire. Something as simple as a letter could make such a difference to so many people in so many ways.

I urge you to start your own “Make Someone Happy by Mail Campaign” today for five reasons.

1. It will make a loved one happy.
2. It will make you happy to make them happy.
3. It’s just plain fun to do.
4. You just might save a post office.
5. You just might save a job of an American postal worker.

Shake up the world – do something big – send something by mail today.

I have recently discovered a very helpful blog written by someone who is actually helping her senior parents in their day-to-day lives.  I must admit, I envy her the opportunity to do this and wish my mom were still here to help.  This website is http://asourparentsage.net.

Recent posts include; Seniors and Media Literacy, Alzheimer’s: Helping a parent manage financial issues, and Protecing a Senior Parent’s Online Privacy.  Each of the dozen or so posts I read contained valuable and well-researched information that would undoubtedly be most helpful to anyone helping a senior parent navigate the increasingly complex world of finances, healthcare, relationships and just general day-to-day life issues.  I plan to personally recommend this site to several friends and relatives who are fortunte enough to still have their parents.

Be well and bring joy while you can,

Still Alice by Lisa Genova (Simon & Schuster: 2009 ISBN-10: 1439116881) is a wonderful book.  Written by a neuroscientist, this award-winning first novel chronicles a Harvard professor’s descent into early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. It is a painfully accurate depiction of dealing with this heartbreaking disease and also offers valuable insight for family members and caregivers.

Since reading this book as background research for the book I was writing on ways to bring joy to senior parents, I have recommended it to dozens of friends.  I also gave it to the husband of a dear friend who has been struggling with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease for the past several years.  Just after reading Stilll Alice, I phoned my friend and asked if we could have lunch.  She said she would be delighted, then passed the phone to her husband who now handles the details of their life.

When we met at the restaurant, it was obvious life had become more difficult for her in the year since we’d last seen each other.  After reading Stilll Alice, I could understand how the world must seem to her so much better than I had last year.  When something on the table looked to her  like something it wasn’t, I understood.  When she changed subjects in mid-sentence, I understood.  When she couldn’t quite find the door on her way out, I understood why her thoughtful husband needed to take her arm and gently guide her to and through the door.

I recommend this book to anyone who cares for a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease in the hope that understand can make your time together easier for you both.

Be well and bring joy to those you love while you can.

“What can I do to be a better Mother-In-Law?”  I can only wonder how many mothers-in-law have been brave enough to ask this question.  But it would seem to be a perfect thing to ask one of the most important people in the world; the person who spends every day and every night with the person a mother probably love more than anything in the world – her baby boy or girl, regardless of their age.

A long-time colleague was brave enough.  And she got a simple, practical answer.  “Just give me a little notice when you’d like to stop by so I can be ready.  I’m happy to have your visit but I’d like a little time to get ready.”  And my friend said she was happy to do that.

Then, a few weeks later, she was pleased and surprised when her daughter-in-law asked her, “What can I do to be a better daughter-in-law?”  She told the young woman that she and her husband were very happy to help the young couple in any way possible and that they would like to feel that their efforts were appreciated.  And they’re now getting little messages of appreciation and sincere thanks for special help.  Nothing earth-shaking, just a little appreciation.

Since I didn’t hear these conversations, I can only assume that the tone of voice used by both was positive and not accusatory since both had a sincere intent to make their relationship as strong as possible.   And  both women have tried to fulfill the others request as best they could.

It is my hope that as  you read this, you will think broadly about any and all relationships you would like to strengthen and consider asking that special someone, “How can I be a better……”  It really is a Magic Question.

Be well and bring joy to those you love

While I originally intended the message of Make Mom Happy by Mail primarily for the Baby Boomer generation, I have been delighted to find interest in a very different age group.

Milennials, those born after 1982,  often tell me how much they enjoy finding new ways of connecting with their grandparents!  I have the pleasure of working with one of these bright, creative, energetic and tech savy young people who was happy to tell me about her relationship with her grandmother.  Meet Jodi and enjoy her enthusiasm – just as I do every day.

Use business trips to bring the world to Mom or Dad.  For years I traveled on business to wonderful places all over the world. In addition to postcards, my mom enjoyed real memorabilia from the trips. So when the trip was over, the ticket that went to Paris or Tokyo or London with me, along with subway maps, restaurant menus, a coin or two, and maybe a local candy bar went into an envelope to Mom. She said it was an exciting moment when her “Paris or London or Tokyo packet” arrived in Arkansas.

These packets take no time at all to assemble.  Just have a manila envelope handy when you unpack your “travel” purse or bag and drop things you would otherwise toss into the garbage into the envelope.  If you’re pressed for time, no message is actually needed.  Or, after you seal the envelope, just write “A few things from Paris!”  They’ll put the pieces together and enjoy imagining you in the restaurant or on the plane.

Final thought:  Make the most of your trips by thinking of your loved ones along the way.

Be well and bring joy

Please share your stories with me so I can share them with others.

TrudyTriner@gmail.com

John’s dad was in his late 80’s. It was easy to see that traveling wouldn’t be an option much longer. Living in California, he missed the seasons in his home state of Michigan and he missed the familiar places and people he grew up with. He didn’t talk much about it but a word now and then let John catch a glimpse of the longing. So a trip was planned with the express purpose of walking down memory lane hand in hand with his dad and off they went on a lovely fall day in 2008.

When John told me the story of taking his dad to his old home, his old church, the lake house where he played as a boy, the corner store where he bought penny candy and the pond where he skated long ago, I thought it was a wonderful story. But then he told me what made it really special.

“I asked him a lot of questions about the old days and let him tell me everything he could remember. I just listened and listened to wonderful story after wonderful story. Some were sweet, some sad, and a lot were funny. He had a smile on his face the whole time and I had a smile in my heart just seeing him so happy. We’ll probably never take a trip like that again but this one gave us both memories for a lifetime.

John’s story reminded me of the answer of an 89 year old woman when I asked what her children could do to make her happy. “Just listen to us talk.” She said. I know old people talk a lot but just be a little patient and listen to us. We really have a lot to say.”

And John listened and listened and listened. What a lovely gift for his dad that must have been. To be asked questions, to be listened to and to be really heard.

Springtime Despite the Rain
Spring was my mom’s favorite time of they year.  Almost as soon as the Christmas decorations were down and put away, she started looking forward to spring.  Since she lived in northern Arkansas, there were months of rain, snow, and ice storms before spring officially arrived outside but that didn’t stop her from bringing spring inside.

Towels
My mom liked to paint and wallpaper, and she changed the color of her bathroom often. Once, in the middle of January, yellow and white flowers appeared on the walls because she was tired of winter and ready for spring. She told me all about the yellow shower curtain, the little yellow rug in front of the sink and the picture of yellow flowers on the window sill.  She sent me a tiny piece of wallpaper, and I found the perfect yellow towels at my local Bed Bath and Beyond store.  Of course, fluffy yellow towels won’t fit an envelope, but  Cindy, my friendly UPS clerk, was happy to box and send them for me.

Mom was surprised and delighted. “That’ll do the trick!” she told me the day the UPS driver carried them up her icy stairs. Spring had come to her bathroom.

Special Tip: Open an account at your local UPS store.  Then you can take a gift, like a big bag of yellow towels, into the store.  They will package them, send the package and bill you monthly.  Or, they’ll charge it to your credit card.  Nothing could be easier!

Please send me your stories so I can share them with others.



In my book, Make Mom Happy by Mail, I focus on things that could be sent by mail to brighten the day of a loved one.  But, starting with idea #4 below, you’ll see suggestions of other things you could do to make life a little easier or a little more enjoyable for the one you love, especially if you can’t always be there in person.  My family particularly enjoyed the Golden Access Passport (tip #4) which allowed my mom, aunt and older cousins to have unlimited visits to the wonderful National parks in Arkansas.  It’s a lifetime pass for all U.S. National parks for an unbelievably low price!

10 Terrific Ideas for Mom

1. Order flowers to be delivered from BloomUSA.com or call your local florist.
2. Order gardening supplies, including amazing self-watering flower pots from Gardeners.com
3. Order gift baskets of Ghiardelli chocolates and other beautifully packaged treats from CaliforiaWineBaskets.com
4. Buy a Golden Access Passport, a lifetime pass to all U.S. National parks for $10.  Call 1-888-go-parks for information.
5. Order a copy of the local phone book in your mom’s town and call to order local surprises like a delivered meal from a favorite restaurant, a cleaning person or a taxi service.
6. A call to the local utility company will allow you to prepay a bill for a month or a year if you think that would be a nice surprise.
7. Use the phone book or the web to find the local Senior Center.  Call for information and pass it on to Mom.
8. Establish a family website if Mom or Dad has computer access.
9. If there’s no computer access, contact SunnyGram.com, a lovely company established by a young man who missed day to day contact with his grandmother.  They will give you an e-mail address for all family members to use.  Once a week, all messages will be printed on sunny yellow paper and sent to Mom, or Grandmother, or Dad by US mail.
10. Establish a book club of two.  Read a book, send it to Mom or Dad and discuss.

Please share your stories with me so I can share them with others.
Be well and bring joy.

Have you ever had this conversation with your mom or dad?

“What would you like for your birthday?”
“Oh, I don’t know.  I have everything I need.”
“Are you sure there’s nothing you’d  really like?”
“Can’t think of a thing.  Just use your imagination.”

Frustrating, right?  I had versions of that conversation many time with my mom and finally learned that asking that question was almost always a waste of time. In my soon to be published book, Make Mom Happy By Mail, I list more than 200 ideas of things you could send your mom or dad to make them happy.  You can also find a list of 25 quick ideas at www.makemomhappybymail.com.  But if none of those ideas seems just right for your loved one, you might try asking one or more of the following questions to give you insight into what he or she cares about. And once you know that, it will be easier to think of something that’s personal and special -  suited just to their interests.

1. “What could make your cooking (or gardening or cleaning) easier?”
2.  “What gadgets do your friends have that you’d like to try?”
3    “What kind of book do you most like to read?”
4    “What magazines do you buy most often?”
5    “What’s your favorite sports team or player?”
6    “Is there somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit?”
7    “What kind of things make you laugh?”
8    “When you’re not busy, how do you like to spend your time?”
9    “Are there any hobbies you’ve thought you might like to try?”
10. “What can I do to be a better… son, daughter, friend or neighbor?”

Please share your stories so I can share them with others.
Be well and bring joy.